For some people, relationships with others are a challenge. For many individuals other people trigger feelings of anxiety, fear and desire to avoid situations where they will have to interact with people. While others struggle with feeling desperate to connect with someone and worry about being abandoned by their important people. Both of these issues relate to 2 different coping styles that we see in human beings: Overcontrolled Coping and Undercontrolled Coping.
You might have an Over Controlled Coping Style if you frequently feel that other people just don't understand you or you can't connect to them in the way you would like. Individuals who use an over controlled style typically display the following traits:
Others have told you that you don't smile enough
Shy or timid in social settings involving others outside their immediate family
Rigid adherence to rules or policies
Feel as though you may have social anxiety
High need for structure in their daily routine
Strong sense of justice or morality
Strong dislike for situations that are unexpected, unpredictable or unscripted
Worry about making mistakes or doing things right
Experience a sense of lonliness even when with other people
Difficulty expressing your inner thoughts and feelings openly
Others may perceive you as cold or aloof
Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO DBT) can help individuals with an over controlled style to learn how to relax more in new situations and to connect with others in a positive way.
Check out this great video by the creator of RO DBT therapy, Dr. Thomas Lynch PhD
You might be in the Under Controlled Coping style category. Individuals who use an under controlled style typically display the following traits:
Dramatic gestures and facial expressions
Emotions that fluctuate rapidly and are perceived by others as quite intense
Difficulty calming themselves
Feelings of loss or abandonment when others are emotionally unavailable
Frequent upsets and conflict within relationships
Many people display some of these traits at times. But if you feel that this list describes you much of the time, then you probably lean towards an Under Controlled Coping Style.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) was designed to help individuals with under controlled styles to learn skills for managing their style better.
Check out this great video about DBT Therapy from the creator of DBT , Dr. Marsha Linehan PhD